Metal Fuze

Well I can't think of a title today, no matter. The man-thing informed me today that he will be going out drinking on Friday night... as if I could not guess that already... it's an every Friday tradition for him... Go to bar, get drink, repeat till they kick you out... DUH! I am getting my ducks in line so to speak. Talking to outside help, my friends, the ones I had before him that I lost, but am getting back now. this time I am not telling them I am all happy and okay... business wise, yes, but I am not gonna sugar coat my relationship anymore, the only one I m protecting is him. No more. My kid had his b-day on Sunday... he turned 6. He says he wants it to be me, him and a new daddy... that really opens my eyes... he is not happy either.

All I can do this week is work a lot, I have fallen behind on my supply orders... AGAIN... always because I am spending the energy I should be using to work, on fighting with him. He is not gonna take this away from me like he has so much else. He will be gone soon. He says, "we need to have a talk after I get home from work." All I can think is I hope it is you telling me you are leaving... I just hope he doesn't leave without helping me get rent paid first, or I will be looking for a new home as well... I don't have a month's rent saved yet... I am working on it, but I only really got dedicated to getting him out in the last week or so... unfortunately, I keep letting myself get to this point, and then feel like I need him to help pay bills... this time I just want him to go, whatever that means for me... I will figure it out after he is gone and I can clear my head a bit. WE have separated before, but always go back thinking it is the drinking... if only he stopped drinking life would be good... not true, he is who he is... and that is a mean and angry person who feels the world owes him.