Heavy realizations...

So for the past 7 years I have been in a relationship with a man who drinks... sometimes more, sometimes less, but always the drink, at least on weekends. This has torn our family apart, caused many problems and such. He still will not stop, or even admit it is a problem. Well as if that is not enough, he is very verbally abusive, but never in front of anyone other than our son and I. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.

I have come to accept that this is an abusive relationship, and the only thing I think is stable (financial).. is absolutely not! So very soon I will be asking him to move out (yet again)... but this time I have friends who know the real situation. For years I have been making excuses for him, covering up what he does, and putting up with a lot that I DO NOT deserve in general. I am not telling him until he gets his taxes back, he can move with that, and I need to protect myself, so having a plan, but not letting him know is key. This is very hard for me, as it is natural for me to be truthful, I just have to remember why this is okay right now.

My next thing is I am going to start looking for a counselor that deals with this, so I can talk to a professional. He has screwed my view of myself, and everything around me so much that I find myself questioning everything... esp my own sanity in this situation. I question weather I have the right to be angry when he stays out until the bar closes once AGAIN, comes home drunk and wanting to fight. I question weather I am even right to want him to stop. I was talking to an old friend last night, and asked him if I was always so weepy... he said he had only ever seen me cry once, and that was while talking about my childhood abuse (understandable for sure), and we lived together as roommates for about a year, so he knows me rather well,. or at least he knows who I used to be, who I lost in this relationship.

That is about all I can stand for now... this is so huge, and I have a artists market I need to get ready for... I am hoping for a lot of sales so I can start stashing money for when the time comes. And it will come, and very soon.