Creation of reality...

Well it seems lately there is a lot of deep thoughts in my head (yeah even more so than usual, which is saying a lot). A lot of these thoughts I ponder are about creating reality, and our participation in that creation. I have always been a creative soul, I always knew that, but creating reality? Creating your life? These seemed out of my control until more recently. I am realizing my participation in creating a lot of the 'dramas' in my life, how my soul participates in these dramas, the lessons contained therein, and so on.

I am realizing and taking resopnisibity for my part in a lot of my life, and the past experiences that were less than ideal. These thoughts can be thought about for, well a whole life really, but something I am learning to focus more on is the moment. It does not come so easy, for me anyway... I have always been a dreamer, a thinker, always looking for deeper meaning, always with an eye to the sky or the future. Yes there have been times I have dwelled on the past as well. A lot of my younger years were spent dwelling on my childhood, and although it obviosly was important to my journey this life, and there are lessons in it, I do not have to keep re-living it again and again. I have no more need to re-create the same dynamics, or dramas anymore. There are core beliefs I am overcomming, working on, learning about, surfacing and re-thinking.

It is a hard balance, learning to be present, while still learning from out past and creating our future mindfully. Can I walk this tightrope without falling? The answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no. I am re-learning patterns that have been in me for so long, I do have my moments where I go back to that old thinking, but now I can remember to check myself, my motivation, and remind myself that all I really have guarenteed is right now. The rest is not promised, and the past is, well the past. It matters, but it does not matter as well.