Well it seems lately there is a lot of deep thoughts in my head (yeah even more so than usual, which is saying a lot). A lot of these thoughts I ponder are about creating reality, and our participation in that creation. I have always been a creative soul, I always knew that, but creating reality? Creating your life? These seemed out of my control until more recently. I am realizing my participation in creating a lot of the 'dramas' in my life, how my soul participates in these dramas, the lessons contained therein, and so on.
I am realizing and taking resopnisibity for my part in a lot of my life, and the past experiences that were less than ideal. These thoughts can be thought about for, well a whole life really, but something I am learning to focus more on is the moment. It does not come so easy, for me anyway... I have always been a dreamer, a thinker, always looking for deeper meaning, always with an eye to the sky or the future. Yes there have been times I have dwelled on the past as well. A lot of my younger years were spent dwelling on my childhood, and although it obviosly was important to my journey this life, and there are lessons in it, I do not have to keep re-living it again and again. I have no more need to re-create the same dynamics, or dramas anymore. There are core beliefs I am overcomming, working on, learning about, surfacing and re-thinking.
It is a hard balance, learning to be present, while still learning from out past and creating our future mindfully. Can I walk this tightrope without falling? The answer is sometimes yes and sometimes no. I am re-learning patterns that have been in me for so long, I do have my moments where I go back to that old thinking, but now I can remember to check myself, my motivation, and remind myself that all I really have guarenteed is right now. The rest is not promised, and the past is, well the past. It matters, but it does not matter as well.
A glance into the mind and processes of creating wearable metal art!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Wow!!!
It has been a year since I regularly blogged??? Did I even regularly blog? I am not sure... Well I am going to try and write more, since it does seem to be an urge I am having more recently. Not sure if this will be about business even though the blog was started for that reason mostly (at least in theory). I actually like having some record of thoughts, ideas, experiences, etc. to look back upon, see where I was at that time, and where I am now as I see it in this 'now' moment.
So much has changed since I last wrote on here. I sold/gave away everything that was not irreplaceable, sent my gems, metals, tools, art, and a guitar in the mail, brought my amp and other guitar, some toys for Seth and clothes and came to Phoenix AZ, child in tow. I lived here as a teen, both while living at home and after I was on my own. For some reason I have felt a pull back to the southwest over the last few years, I finally found a way to come here and see what that feeling is all about.
Since I have been here so much has happened, in just a few short months. I came close to death, and thus gave a lot more thought to my mortality. Seems the winds of change are swirling about me these days. Sometimes like a fair breeze, sometimes much more like a tornado while I stand in the middle in amazement at all that swirls around me. It is intense, sometimes almost too much to handle, but I realize that to really make a major shift, some dust is going to get kicked up so to speak. Sometimes I just sit and shake at the rapidity of all of it... I feel it in a cell level. Feels like a vibrational shift, which is exciting but somewhat unnerving. I have no idea where all this will land, but I know there is a reason I came back here, I was following a little voice inside me, and I know it was leading me to something important to my journey in this life.
I am re-embracing my songwriting these days as well. I got a small portable recording studio and am working on recordings as time and energy permits, although my guitar input went out about a week ago, so that is on hold till I get a new one put in. Just need to find a good repair shop for it. Besides working on new material, I am also recording old stuff, doing a full band sound, but with only me playing and singing everything. This makes me look at my songs in a whole new way. Instead of just telling others to learn it, and letting them play what they hear to it, or their interpretation of my music, I am really opening the song back up, and deciding what I want it to sound like. It is quite a journey so far, and I am barely getting started, so I look forward to my renewed love/passion/dedication to my music again... I had started to feel stagnant... proud of where I was with it as an art, but rather in a rut. I was really feeling like something needed to change, to challenge myself to get to the next level of my musical journey. I think this is it, for right now.
I also am re-connecting with some very important people (important to me) that fell out of my life for various reasons many, many years ago, and these are bonds that are very strong, so it is a major deal for me for all these re-connections. It is amazing the channels the universe is putting us back in each others path's... the way the universe works always amazes me. How interconnected we all really are, comes to light more to me and I can see that connection at work in my life lately very heavily. I am sure it has always been so, and I am just becoming more aware of it.
Not sure if I posted about this before, but for the last couple of years now, the number 11:11 has been appearing to me in all it's forms, all over the place. I read that it is an encoded signal on the cellular level, changing your vibration, or something to that effect... I have read a little about it, and read that when you see it to send love out to all the people and animals and the planet... for a while I had no idea what it was, but I was seeing it daily, sometimes multiple times, and it got rather annoying to me, so I looked it up out of frustration sort of. I found some peace in the knowledge that it is sort of a spiritual calling, what to do with that knowledge I am still learning. Today I saw 11:11 in a few different forms... each time i stopped and just sent love out to the universe... I felt a light shift inside as I did this, so I am sure there is something to it. I do not wait for the number on the clock, or watch for it on the street... I just happen to look up at 10:10 or 10:11, or 11:10, 11:11, or look up and see an address with the number combo on it. I see it very often, some days over and over, sometimes just once, but I see it regularly.
You might just think I am crazy here... or talking something totally over your head, but I feel I should have a place to keep these thoughts, and maybe see a little clearer. If you do understand or are at least curious, maybe this will lead to some insight for someone. I am supposed to be focusing on light these days... that was clear in my vision I had that night at the drum circle. I am learning what that vision meant more and more and how to apply the lesson.
So much has changed since I last wrote on here. I sold/gave away everything that was not irreplaceable, sent my gems, metals, tools, art, and a guitar in the mail, brought my amp and other guitar, some toys for Seth and clothes and came to Phoenix AZ, child in tow. I lived here as a teen, both while living at home and after I was on my own. For some reason I have felt a pull back to the southwest over the last few years, I finally found a way to come here and see what that feeling is all about.
Since I have been here so much has happened, in just a few short months. I came close to death, and thus gave a lot more thought to my mortality. Seems the winds of change are swirling about me these days. Sometimes like a fair breeze, sometimes much more like a tornado while I stand in the middle in amazement at all that swirls around me. It is intense, sometimes almost too much to handle, but I realize that to really make a major shift, some dust is going to get kicked up so to speak. Sometimes I just sit and shake at the rapidity of all of it... I feel it in a cell level. Feels like a vibrational shift, which is exciting but somewhat unnerving. I have no idea where all this will land, but I know there is a reason I came back here, I was following a little voice inside me, and I know it was leading me to something important to my journey in this life.
I am re-embracing my songwriting these days as well. I got a small portable recording studio and am working on recordings as time and energy permits, although my guitar input went out about a week ago, so that is on hold till I get a new one put in. Just need to find a good repair shop for it. Besides working on new material, I am also recording old stuff, doing a full band sound, but with only me playing and singing everything. This makes me look at my songs in a whole new way. Instead of just telling others to learn it, and letting them play what they hear to it, or their interpretation of my music, I am really opening the song back up, and deciding what I want it to sound like. It is quite a journey so far, and I am barely getting started, so I look forward to my renewed love/passion/dedication to my music again... I had started to feel stagnant... proud of where I was with it as an art, but rather in a rut. I was really feeling like something needed to change, to challenge myself to get to the next level of my musical journey. I think this is it, for right now.
I also am re-connecting with some very important people (important to me) that fell out of my life for various reasons many, many years ago, and these are bonds that are very strong, so it is a major deal for me for all these re-connections. It is amazing the channels the universe is putting us back in each others path's... the way the universe works always amazes me. How interconnected we all really are, comes to light more to me and I can see that connection at work in my life lately very heavily. I am sure it has always been so, and I am just becoming more aware of it.
Not sure if I posted about this before, but for the last couple of years now, the number 11:11 has been appearing to me in all it's forms, all over the place. I read that it is an encoded signal on the cellular level, changing your vibration, or something to that effect... I have read a little about it, and read that when you see it to send love out to all the people and animals and the planet... for a while I had no idea what it was, but I was seeing it daily, sometimes multiple times, and it got rather annoying to me, so I looked it up out of frustration sort of. I found some peace in the knowledge that it is sort of a spiritual calling, what to do with that knowledge I am still learning. Today I saw 11:11 in a few different forms... each time i stopped and just sent love out to the universe... I felt a light shift inside as I did this, so I am sure there is something to it. I do not wait for the number on the clock, or watch for it on the street... I just happen to look up at 10:10 or 10:11, or 11:10, 11:11, or look up and see an address with the number combo on it. I see it very often, some days over and over, sometimes just once, but I see it regularly.
You might just think I am crazy here... or talking something totally over your head, but I feel I should have a place to keep these thoughts, and maybe see a little clearer. If you do understand or are at least curious, maybe this will lead to some insight for someone. I am supposed to be focusing on light these days... that was clear in my vision I had that night at the drum circle. I am learning what that vision meant more and more and how to apply the lesson.
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